For many years I have owned a copy of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I have never worked my way through the entire book, despite having had it for ten years. Every few years I pick up the book and try it again, but it’s a twelve week program and I get distracted again.

However one thing I have kept hold of, and return to even when I’m not trying to do The Artist’s Way program, is morning pages. The theory is that you write three pages of anything, first thing every morning. You don’t read them, certainly don’t edit them, and it doesn’t matter at all wat you write. You could write ‘I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write.’ It doesn’t matter, just write it.

I’ve started writing morning pages again this week. I’ve got into some bad patterns generally in my lifestyle, so I am trying to establish some newer, more productive ones.

I like doing morning pages I feel that it clears out my mind a little bit for the day. While I may not achieve everything I write down that I need to do, I feel that putting it down on paper makes we worry about work a little bit less.

 

I’ve had what I have been calling writer’s block for a while. I have been going through some issues that are not entirely resolved, though I am getting there. As a result of these issues, I haven’t much felt like writing. Even Nanowrimo, which I usually attack with abandon and enjoy immensely, despite the crap I produce during it, held little interest with me last year. I stalled, and never re-started.

Issues aside though, I think I have now just got out of the habit of writing, and have become lazy. I feel I am also using my ‘issue’ as an excuse.

On Saturday I met with my writer’s group, Seoul Writers Workshop and we had some post workshop drinks. One drink turned to more than one, and I ended up in drunken conversation with my long time writer friend. I asked him whether he thought I had the talent to actually get a novel published. He replied, very diplomatically, that he thought I could, but I had a lot of distractions.

Which is an understatement.

We talked more, and ended up agreeing on a writing challenge for September – and in order to give us a more motivation, we made a bet. The terms of the bet are as follows:

We both of us must write one thousand words for every week of September, making it 4000 in total for the month. If we don’t do this, we have to pay $300.

This is no ordinary bet. Neither of us will receive the money if the other fails. No, instead you promise to give the money to a cause you find repellent and can’t stand the thought of ever giving money to.

The question is, where to promise my money to if I fail? I thought of promising to the British National Party (I refuse to link to them, if you want to check out their ‘values’ just google the name) but if I failed I might end up on a list of people who had given money, which might in future end up damaging my reputation. I guess this is the point of the bet, to provide so much in the way of negative consequences.

I know I can write these many words (I have completed Nanowrimo 3 times, 4000 words is nothing in comparison) but I am also busy doing a training course at work at the same time.

There I go making excuses again to not write, and I’m even trying to give myself a ‘get out of jail free’ card on this bet before it has even started! I’m already ready to give up $300 because I’m being lazy! Well, I guess I know who I have to promise to donate to to get this done.

I recently read a post over at Stirrup Queens about ghost blogs. That is, blogs which have laid dormant for a time because the writer has lost interest/motivation/moved onto another obsession, and etc etc etc…

I cringed on reading it, as I knew that I had not just one, but two ghost blogs. One was this, the other a blog about my day job, which, *ahem*, I can’t actually find. I thought it was here on wordpress, but actually it doesn’t seem to be.

The trouble is, I’m not writing much or at all at the moment. I am blogging, but about something completely different. I have found some inspiration in blogging though, and I’m hoping that by keeping a journal about not writing in blog form, I might find my way through my writer’s block.

Nano has finished for another year, and while I appreciate having my time back, I also feel that I miss my characters already.

I should explain. My Nano this year was the second half of a story which I started writing for 2008 Nano. This means that I have been aware of these characters, both actively writing them and contemplating them, for over a year now.

Now, the work is far from over on this project. I have a 100,000 word first draft, fit only for the eyes of a close, trusted writerly friend whose opinion I want on whether I would be completely crazy to contemplate spending more time on this project.

As to the characters, they still have many adventures ahead of them. But should I spend more time on them if the first book is completely god-awful?

Well, I have lost interest in The Fox and Fell and I am now working on a new idea. There is absolutely no way that I can weave the new story into the FF cycle, and so I am now working on another new project. This is amazingly exciting (I love having a new idea) but also incredibly frustrating.

When am I going to stick at one idea to completion? Of course, I can come back to something, but I am annoyed with myself for jumping around between projects.

I have done nothing for the longest time. I haven’t even had any chance to think about anything. This really frustrates me, but my day job is so time-, energy- and thought-consuming that by the end of the day I can barely think about the English language, let alone writing anything.

Check out the day job iliketoverbstuff

I went for a cuppa at my best friend’s house today, and she had read my short story in the Seoul Writer’s anthology, Every Second Sunday. I’d given it to her a few weeks ago and it was so nice that she had read it.
Her comments were that she’d liked the story, and that she wanted to read more. This was incredibly gratifying as I don’t think she has ever read anything I’d written before. It’s also spurred me on a little to keep going with the Fox and Fell cycle.

Since returning to the UK, I have found myself to be completely unproductive. This is partially to do with getting a job, finding a flat, and organizing a wedding, but also to do with inertia.

I have got out of the habit of writing, even a few words a day. It really doesn’t help that the industry I’m in requires you to be switched on all day, not allowing any time for your mind to drift.

Also, I am stalled on all of the things I am working on at the moment – my short story cycle: ‘The Fox and Fell’ and the fantasy novel: untitled. For the novel I know what’s happening next, but I haven’t got the energy to get into it. I did receive a plot point in a dream, which was a bit of luck…

Once the wedding is over I will start at least blogging regularly.

Over the last few weeks I have been relatively productive. I have been working on a project which I thought was only for fun, but at the moment it really is the only thing I have an interest in. This means that I have to do a mental turn and perhaps consider that I will have a different writing career than I expected.

That’s all…

Please forgive any mistakes, I am in a PC room and so am paying for every second I am on this computer! The keyboard is also clunky and seems to miss out words!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to do some research before getting stuck into the short story project I’m beginning. This could of course be a deeply layered procrastination exercise that I have convinced myself of because of my fear of failure at this project. This project has the potential to be good, and I want it to be, and so I am convincing myself that I can’t do it yet  in order to avoid the moment when I look at the words on the page and discover that  they do not meet my mental vision of what this project should be.

I have a new story idea ticking over in my brain, which I need to get down on the page before I talk myself out of it. This part of the story does not require research (or at least it can be done on wikipedia) but yet I am procrastinating. This is my main failing as a writer, and will always continue to be. Until I have a deal and a deadline, I have very little to drive me forward. I know many writers are in the same boat, but it is one of the only things that actually gets me down about my writing – the fact that I just don’t seem to do it!

I have finished rambling for now, and have perhaps even talked myself into doing something. It’s a shame I have to go and buy train/boat tickets now! And Christmas shopping…